My feelings and emotions have been such a roller coaster. And, I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel. So, I figured I would try to blog my reflection of the past year ...
In some ways, it passed by slower than turtles crossing the street, but in other ways, I feel like I blinked and the last 9 months flew by before I could open my eyes again. I worked so hard to get to where I was in August. (My story goes a little like this)-
I have never, ever, EVER wanted to do anything with my life other than teach. I started babysitting before most people, I feel like a mom to my siblings, and I had no problem playing "school", "tutoring" my siblings, or staying inside from recess to work in the teacher's work room. There is no doubt in my heart, or my mind, that I was born with a purpose, and one major part of that purpose is to engage, inspire, dream, and build up young children. I was born to work with kids, and I was born to teach. I LOVE school, I LOVE learning, and I LOVE teaching. My experience started young, but then in High School, I had the opportunity to peer mentor in a kindergarten classroom. Usually, the peer mentoring program matches you with one student to work with, and I did that, but the teacher I was assigned to saw something in me, trusted me, and allowed me to develop relationships with her whole class. She believed in me, and saw the potential for me, when I was just 14 years old. That was when my first classroom experience began, and I continued that throughout high school. I worked at a day care with school-aged children after high school, which led to me teaching preschool. I fell in love with 4 year olds, their curiosity, their innocence, and their hearts. Until I was placed to student teach in 3rd grade. 3rd grade wasn't even one of my top 3 grade choices, but I accepted it, took it head on, and fell even more in love with 8 and 9 year olds. I had the most amazing student teaching experience, and the best mentor teacher I could have ever asked for. After finishing school, and finally graduating (4 years after the rest of the people my age), I applied to EVERY possible elementary teaching job that I could find! It was stressful, nerve-racking, scary, and frustrating. I heard from a few schools close to Michigan or in Michigan, but was never offered a job. I was finally offered a third grade position here in Phoenix, Arizona. It was perfect; third grade and everyone was so nice and welcoming!
And that's where my journey started ....
I was a first year teacher. In a strange place, by myself, and experiencing SO many emotions.
When I think about the past 9 months that I've spent in Room 9 at Cartwright Elementary School, I think about so many things. I have laughed, smiled, frowned, cried, yelled, talked, whispered, read, taught, learn, inspired, dreamed, changed, cleaned, moved, rearranged, and grown in room 9. (Almost literally, as I've gained a ridiculous amount of weight this school year)
As time passed, I rearranged my classroom, changed seating arrangements, tweaked expectations, added expectations, talked about procedures and expectations EVERY day, and even changed our routines and classroom several times. Many times, my students were the backbone of the changes, they gave input, made suggestions, made changes, and accepted the changes that I suggested and/or made.
I learned a lot this year, I grew a lot, I cried a lot, and I made a lot of mistakes. But, I also had a lot of fun and made a lot of memories. I am a better teacher because of my experiences in room 9. I shared in my previous blog post, my letter to the third graders of room 9, and it is no secret how much I love, care for, and value those kiddos. But to reflect about me ...
At the end of 2013, I made a few goals for 2014 ... even though the year 2014 is not over, I think it is appropriate to check in on those goals that I set for myself ...
1. Become a better blogger.
Well..... I don't know what I was thinking when I said "Better". I do feel like I stepped up to this challenge during the last half of the school year. There were times when I did not blog as regularly as I would have hoped, but I did catch myself up. I have learned that blogging is an important reflection tool for me. My goal for my next classroom is to continue my personal blog, but more importantly, to keep a "classroom" blog that is less personal. A blog that is intended as a weekly update to parents and collaborators to our classroom. I feel like I did a good job of that with this first blog, but I also kept it pretty personal too, and included many thoughts and honest opinions that maybe should have been kept separate from a "classroom" blog. I would love for parents to comment on the blog posts, to have student input occasionally, and to make it more interactive. But, overall, I think I am on my way to becoming a better blogger.
2. Become better at self-reflection, and not beating myself up too badly when things don't go perfectly every day.
I really feel like I became better and better at reflecting as the school year progressed. Blogging about the week really helped because I was able to really think about all we had accomplished, what went well, and what needed to change. I still tend to beat myself up about things that don't go well, and I think that's just part of who I am, but I certainly need to remember to stay calm during situations I cannot control. I was a wreck the last few weeks of school while we were waiting on AIMs results, and none of that was in my control, but it was hard for me to step back and realize that. Blogging helps with self-reflection, and I think as I become a better blogger, I will also become better at reflecting without beating myself up.
3. Find a teaching job closer to home in Michigan.
Well.... this is probably the most frustrating topic right now. I feel like I have applied for every possible position in Michigan...even without knowing ANYTHING about the district, school, community, or towns.
I had one phone interview, didn't make it to the next round.
I had one face-to-face interview this week, and wasn't hired.
I feel like I am a horrible interviewer, that I sound ridiculous when I talk and share stories, and that I don't know how to sell myself to people. I don't know what people want to hear, and I don't know how to tell the right stories when answering questions. I believe 100% that I am a good teacher, and that any place would be lucky to have me on staff, but I don't know how to sell that in an interview by saying the right things. And... I'm a bit stressed out about it.
4. Embrace what I have and make a positive out of every situation
I certainly feel like I have gotten better at this. Every day is a new day, and I'm not say that every day is perfect. I fall off the wagon, I get frustrated, and I feel negative. But, I am making a better effort at the positivity, and having a good outlook. Let me tell a story about my latest interview ---
I applied for this job in Manistee, Michigan on Wednesday evening (while I was at a hotel on my drive home to Michigan), I made it to Michigan on Friday, and had an interview set up that afternoon. It happened so fast! I hit a pothole in Michigan on Friday, had to pay $830 for 4 new tires and 4 new rims just to be able to drive to this interview. I left Monday morning for the 4 hour drive, stopped to get coffee at McDonald's and proceeded to spill the coffee all over my dress, legs, feet, shoes and car. After cleaning it up, asking for a new coffee (Which they messed up), I was back on the road again. I interviewed, and returned to my car to discover that I had left the lights on, and the battery died. So.... I had to call roadside assistance to set up a tow company to come jump my car! Good grief! What a fiasco, all to make it to an interview, that I didn't even get the job for!
But .... the point is that I had some options-I could cry, scream yell, and be angry, or I could laugh and let it happen. Obviously none of those events were enjoyable, predictable, or helpful. But it happened. I survived. I lived. I made it through. So, I chose to laugh it off. It's really easy to get discouraged in my situation, because I said several times that day, "If I don't get this job ... " and "I swear, I better get this job after all this ..." But ... the fact is, I didn't get that job. There's a reason. It wasn't a good fit for them, or for me. I jumped the gun on my first job offer last year, and it left me very unhappy. I can't do that again. I have to make sure that this next job is perfect. That it is what I want, where I want, and how I want to do things. For some reason, this job wasn't it for me. So... I am choosing to see the positive in every situation ... even when it's hard.
5. Take more pictures. I know I take a lot, but I really want to be able to embrace and remember this year. It has been so so special already.
Okay... this probably didn't have to be a goal of mine. I take so many pictures. But, today ... I am thankful for those pictures that I take. I am still adjusting to being back in Michigan, at my parents' house. I miss Phoenix, and it's beauty. I miss the sunshine ALL the time. I miss my apartment, and my friends. But, most of all, I miss my kiddos. I miss room 9. But, I do have a lot of pictures to look back at and remind me of the good times, the hard times, and all the memories I made this past year.
So, overall here is where I stand .... My Letter to a First Year Teacher (This talks about some of the things I've learned and reflected upon)
1. Relationships are the single most important thing in your classroom. Building relationships is and should be the backbone to success. When kids know you care, can see you care, and show they care, anything is possible.
2. Kids can succeed without learning test prep strategies all year long. I didn't become a teacher to teach kids how to take a test. Neither did anyone else. If my test scores suffer because I didn't teach the test all year, then so what. Teaching study skills, and techniques that students can use throughout their life is so much more important than actually teaching the test, and how to take it. When in life will they see those stupid multiple choice questions again?
3. Planning is important. I am a go with the flow person. I can turn any situation around, and make something work. Sometimes, you have to steer away from the lesson plans for the day... but it's still important to have them. You need direction.
4. Innovation, Innovation, Innovation --- I LOVE learning. I love watching learning happen. Anything new and exciting is exciting for me. Finding new things, new techniques, new books, new programs, anything new was so fun and invigorating for me. I can't wait to keep learning.
5. I am a good teacher. My students love me, and I Love them. Someone is going to see that and take a chance on me, I just have to be patient. God has a plan, and even though I have no idea why he is testing me so hard, and making me wait so long for this plan to come out, it will. I just have to keep trusting, pursuing, and believing.
Until then ... These kiddos will always be in my heart ...
